4 common sense principles

These are from the book The Anxious Generation (by Jonathan Haidt) and are widely accepted as being the closest we've got to general common sense around tech for children:

1. No social media before 16
2. No smartphone before 14
3. Phone-free schools
4. More independence / free play

They might be hard to achieve if your child is already in those age groups, but it's good to have them as guidelines, knowing they are backed up by proper research. We link to another of Jonathan Haidt's books, The Amazing Generation, in the Learn Together section below, and recommend you read that one with your child.

AI

Children's brains are wired differently to those of adults. They are still forming. This article, "The Cost of No Friction", explains this brilliantly and reminds us that we should think differently with children when it comes to tech and online stuff. And this is especially true of AI. In general it is recommended that children do not use it at all - because it shortcuts to the answers, preventing them from building that critical thinking muscle, and trusting their own solutions.

Screen time guidelines

These are a broad concensus on healthy screen time upper limits, based on various sources and our own experience. They refer to recreational (non-school/work) screen time.

• 0-2 years old: 0 hours screen time
• 2-5 years old: 1 hour per day
• 6-15 years old: 2 hours per day
• 16-18 years old: 2 to 3 hours per day
• Adults: 3 to 4 hours per day

Sources: BestStartInLife.gov.uk (UK gov guidance); Welcare.org.uk (NHS and WHO guidance); American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry; Singapore gov guidance

[These can be enforced through discussion and using parental controls apps. We show you the options for these lower down this page in the Smartphones & Laptops section.]

Addiction, mental health & screen time

We strongly advise all parents to listen to this podcast episode "How We’ve ‘Drugified’ Our Entire Existence: Dopamine & Addiction In the Digital Age" in which the various levels of addiction to digital media are discussed. Once equipped with this knowledge you will be in a far better place to successfully enforce screen time (and screen time quality) rules with your children. Children always respond better to a reasoned argument, rather than "Because I say so!".

Not inevitable

This fantastic article is a must read for parents, as it reframes the narrative so we can see that childrens' involvement in toxic digital platforms is not inevitable: "What We Get Wrong About Children And Social Media". The author is Dr Velislava Hillman, an Associate Lecturer at Goldsmiths University in London and was a Visiting Fellow at LSE from 2020-25.

The pre-smartphone years are often dominated by YouTube. Whilst watching a bit of Peppa Pig is not too harmful, endless hours of YouTube Shorts is. Look for the setting to restrict the playing of Shorts, or use the alternative YouTube app for laptops called FreeTube, linked below.

Block YouTube Shorts in the YouTube app

'Shorts' in YouTube are addictive and bad for attention span and mood. Now you can turn them off by reducing their 'time' to zero! Instructions: Open google family - Controls - YouTube - Family Center - Time management - set the shorts feed limit to zero.

More info:

🎞️ Keep It Real Online - Parental Controls

One minute short video introducing parents and children to the idea that parental controls can be required.

💻 FreeTube - better YouTube app

Access YouTube content with a similar look and feel to the Youtube app, but without the tracking, profiling and addictive features; Desktop only

If your child is still in primary school you're in a great position to win hearts and minds, before they start demanding tech. During Yrs 5 and 6 the peer pressure to get a mobile phone starts to increase. There is usually no real need for one, but since some parents will give them to their children, you need to educate yours so they don't get too much FOMO. Either way they might see dodgy stuff on laptops (or your phone!).

Yr 5 (age 10)

Keep It Real Online - a series of shorts that were very successfully promoted by the New Zealand government. Bite-size videos to get the main points across easily.

🎞️ Keep It Real Online - Bullying

One minute short video showing kids that online bullying has effects in the real world.

🎞️ Keep It Real online - Grooming

One minute short video showing kids that if you connect with strangers online they might not be who they say they are.

Yr 6 (age 11)

The pressure to get a smartphone, and to increase screen time on laptops and games consoles, becomes really intense during year 6. Get ahead of that by watching the Childhood 2.0 film together (1.5 hrs):

🎞️ Childhood 2.0

1 hr 30 mins. A film about the challenges of growing up in the digital age

🎞️ Keep It Real Online - Porn

One minute short video showing kids that they shouldn't try to look at porn online, but if they do see it, it is not how real life relationships work.

Why is there a porn education video in the Yr 6 section? This report by the UK's Children's Commissioner says that on average children encounter porn at age 13, but 27% of those surveyed had seen it at age 11. Hence why we're including this Keep It Real short here. You might want to wait until they are 12 or 13 to watch this one with them.

As they enter high school the school itself will expect your child to do their school work on a laptop. Expect that your child will be surrounded by smartphones as most children will have one. If you have held the line in Y5 and Y6, you’re on a great footing to continue delaying exposure to smartphones and social media (see “General tech principles” above). Continue their tech education with these resources:

Yr 7 (age 12)

Read and watch these with your child as they enter year 7. You may have already read The Amazing Generation in year 6, in which case move on to the film.

📖 The Amazing Generation

Excellent book by Jonathan Haidt & Catherine Price. My 13 year old loved this book - it really explains, with illustrations, how Big Tech are hacking their brains

🎞️ Swiped: Inside the school that banned smartphones

1.5 hrs. See what happened in the UK school that banned smartphones

Yr 8+ (age 13+)

From year 8 there is huge variation in children, in terms of maturity and what things they've been exposed to online. Use your judgement with these films as they really do tackle these subjects hard.

🎞️ Molly vs The Machines

1 hr 20 mins. Beautifully made documentary by Marc Silver. This hard-hitting documentary is a must see for any child who is asking to be able to use social media

🎞️ Overexposure

10 mins. A short film teaching that girls should never send sexy pictures, even to people they know, and boys should not encourage it. Boys and girls should see this.

🎞️ No Escape Room

7 mins. An interactive short film about sextortion (where you're tricked into sending sexy pictures to someone you don't know). It is made from a boy's perspective. Watch with your child to learn about this disturbing subject.

🎞️ Adolescence

Four part, hard-hitting TV series about a 13 year old child who falls victim to cyberbullying on social media

The Molly vs The Machines website is a great resource. You can use the ChatGPT-style chat window there to discuss the contents of the film, and if you scroll to the right in the chat window headings and click 'Big Tech Alternatives' you can chat/search all the contents of this (Rebel Tech Alliance's) website!

Further watching: Smartphone-Free Childhood's video playlist

Keep the learning going by choosing videos from this excellent YouTube playlist compiled by Smartphone Free Childhood.

• Do not give them a smartphone at least until they go to high school, but minimum 14 years old is better
• Do not let them take the smartphone into their bedroom. Ever. And the same for you parents! (Only charge devices downstairs / in the kitchen or living room)
• "No tech at the table" (and the same for you parents!)
• Educate your child about how Big Tech products work. Keep telling them and they'll get the message (and roll their eyes a lot). We've linked to great resources above. Also review the entire Learn section of this website.
• Set a good example: if they see you doomscrolling all the time, they will do the same. Less screen time can help you parents too - as this article "Your Marriage Has A Third", shows very well
• Restrict the time they have on the phone, and control which apps can be installed - using parental controls apps

This is the gold standard. These are smartphones that are based on Android, but do not contain much (or any) Google services. Start them off the right way, without the tracking and profiling of Big Tech! In addition these phones have build in parental controls (so you don't have to bother with the options given further down).

There are two main choices for privacy-focused phone OS: Iodé and Murena.

Our recommendations, in order:

1. Iodé - buy a phone from their shop pre-loaded with IodéOS (or flash one onto an old phone if your model is on our 'easy' list). Also read this great review of the Iodé OS.
   1. an excellent OS that cuts out app (or Google) tracking at the OS level
   2. Good built-in parental controls
   3. Can access Google apps via the use of a privacy-focused version of Google Play Services called Micro-G
2. Murena (e/OS/) - buy a phone from their shop pre-loaded with e/OS/ (or flash one onto an old phone if it's on our 'easy' list)
   1. e/OS/ is a familiar-looking OS if you're used to Apple's iOS
   2. Good built-in parental controls
   3. 'Advanced privacy' cuts out app tracking but uses the VPN slot. This is fine for most people.
   4. Can access Google apps via the use of a privacy-focused version of Google Play Services called Micro-G

Block YouTube Shorts in the YouTube app

Instructions: Open google family - Controls - YouTube - Family Center - Time management - set the shorts feed limit to zero.

General controls

Smartphones are essentially "addictive mind-control devices" akin to slot machines, so applying some sort of controls is a good idea. First we'll describe the built in 'big tech' options, then the alteratives:

On phones 📱- big tech options

Parental control apps are available from Google (Google Family Link) for Android phones, and from Apple on iPhones (Apple Screen Time, once you've set up Family Sharing).

The Google Family Link app is quite good, but the time controls are not that granular. We've heard the Apple controls are fairly easy for children to bypass. So here are some tips for making that more difficult:

1. Use a Screen Time passcode that is different from the device unlock code, and never share it
2. Go to Settings > Screen Time > Content & Privacy Restrictions and set:
   1. Account Changes → Don't Allow
   2. Passcode Changes → Don't Allow
   3. Location Services > System Services > Setting Time Zone → Don't Allow Changes
3. Turn on "Block at End of Limit" instead of just warning

On some Android phones (notably Samsungs) you can use the Digital Wellbeing functionality to monitor screen time and set app limits. It is fairly light weight but you can set a PIN, meaning your child most likely won't be able to disable it. It is part of the OS settings but can be displayed as a app via a settings toggle.

On laptops and iPads 💻 - big tech options

On Windows you can use the Family Safety feature. You manage it via your Microsoft account, adding your child to your Family group. There are phone apps where you can approve and change screen time. Clunky, but works well enough for daily limits on laptops.

On Apple laptops and iPads the same Apple Screen Time feaures apply.

Alternative parental control and screen time mobile apps

For better privacy try these instead of Google, Apple or Microsoft's apps:

App name	Platforms	Features	Open Source?	Country of Origin
Qustodio	All (except Linux)	Complete parental control app - screen time, block apps, filter traffic; Paid plans only (€47 or €87 a year); N.B. on Android they only 'support' (monitor) Chrome and Firefox browsers, and it's set to block others by default - you need to untick this in the Web Filtering settings if your child is already using a privacy browser	No	Spain
Be Present	iOS and Android	Gamifies reducing screen time	No	USA
ScreenZen	All (except Linux)	Helps you reduce screen time with self imposed, hard to bypass, limits; Good for teenagers	No	USA
StayFree	All (including Linux)	Block addictive parts of apps e.g. YouTube shorts; Set time limits on specific apps	No	USA
FindGPS	iOS and Android	'Find My' app-style GPS tracker so you can locate family members; Features E2EE so even the app developer cannot see your location data	No	Turkey
Zood Location	Android only	'Find My' app-style GPS tracker so you can locate family members; Features E2EE so even the app developer cannot see your location data; Uses OpenStreetMap data	No	USA
Child Screen Time (CST)	Android only	Very technical setup - not recommended unless you have software developer-level tech skills; Simple screen time management and app limits	Yes	Open Source

Physical options

If apps alone aren't cutting it, there are two options that are more tangible: the Brick, a small cube you tap your phone on and it turns off apps you've nominated; or a phone Lock box, often with a timer. Both can help you enforce healthier rules on yourself and your children.

On Linux 💻

For those who use Linux laptops your options are more limited and the only one in the list above that works is StayFree. Luckily an intrepid friend of RTA worked out a way to get good filtering and screen time controls for Linux machines. It involves using Timekpr-nExT and NextDNS, and you can read the instructions for how to set it all up here.

App name	Alternative to	Protocol (if decentralised)	Best Features	Country of Origin
FreeTube	YouTube	n/a	Access YouTube content with a similar look and feel to the Youtube app, but without the tracking, profiling and addictive features; Desktop only	Open Source
Kinzoo	SnapChat	n/a	Snapchat-like video filters; Parents approve each contact	USA
JusTalk Kids	SnapChat	n/a	Snapchat-like video filters and games; Only approved contacts; E2EE	UK
Pixelfed	Instagram	ActivityPub	Ad free, privacy friendly, chronological feeds; Stories, Albums, Filters; Federates with Mastodon	Canada
Skylight	TikTok and Instagram	AT Proto	Federates with Bluesky; Tiktok alternative; Control your feed; As with Bluesky they have taken VC funds so buyer beware	USA
Loops	TikTok	ActivityPub	Federates with Mastodon and Pixelfed; Chronological feed; No data harvesting or ads; Same developer as Pixelfed	Canada
Upscrolled	Instagram and X	n/a (app lock-in)	Founded by a Palastinian citizen; Promises no censorship or shadow-banning; Not decentralised so is a platform lock-in	Australia
Mastodon	X and Facebook	ActivityPub	Real conversations with friendly people; no algorithm; chronological timeline; follow hashtags; federated with other fediverse apps	Germany
Signal	WhatsApp	n/a	WhatsApp is turning into a social media app, with AI chatbots and 'Communities'; Keep children just talking to their real friends using Signal; Fully E2EE	USA

Alternative front ends

There is a big list here of alternative 'front ends' ('skins' for apps that protect you, such as FreeTube in the table above) that allow you to use social media services with less tracking or addictive features.

Universal guidlines are probably impossible, as it varies by age and child, but the following (from this article seem sensible:

• Gaming limits should be age-based: 30 minutes for kids under 6, and no more than 60 minutes on school days and 2 hours on weekends for kids over 6.
• Rules must be consistently enforced with immediate consequences, and gaming should only be allowed after homework and chores are completed.
• Parents should help kids find enjoyable alternative (non-screen) activities and spend time together to reduce gaming dependence and improve their relationship.

Some good general advice around gaming can be found in this article from Unicef. E.g:

• Playing the games with your child and getting them to explain how they work
• Checking the in-game controls for limiting connections to known people
• Sitting in on some sessions to make sure they really do know those people, and that their friends are playing nicely together

We would add to the above: do not let your child have a games console in their bedroom. That's the easy route to unhealthy habits. A good rule is "no tech upstairs, ever".

This Times (gift) article "Are my children addicted to gaming?" gives some great context around how much you should worry about your child's gaming.

In general avoid Roblox if you can. It is deliberately addictive and has no default controls to prevent your child interacting with adults.

Instructions for how set up Roblox controls for better safety are here .